3 Ways God May be Trying to Lead You in Your Relationship

There was not one relationship post dedicating my life to Christ where God was silent. I don’t mean that He audibly spoke, but He definitely had an opinion about every single guy I decided to involve myself with. Each time, He spoke to me in different ways, but each time He was trying to send the same message: That’s not your husband. I’ll admit that I didn’t listen and had to learn my lessons the hard way so I’m going to share 3 candid stories of how God was leading me in the hopes that it saves you some time and heartbreak or maybe even confirm that you’re headed in the right direction. Here’s 3 ways God may be trying to lead you:

Through His still small voice

The very first time I recall God speaking to me about a guy was very shortly after I dedicated my life to Him. I was so very immature in the things of God, and I was still learning to hear His voice. Well one particular night during a church service, I heard Him loud and clear. This new guy I was dating decided to join me in service, and everything was going pretty well at first. Towards the end of the night however, I heard a still small voice whisper very matter of factly to me these words: he’s going to tell you that you’re his wife.” I wouldn’t say this was an audible voice. It was more like when you hear your own thoughts inside of your head, but a little different because it rises from a place deep within you so you know it’s not your own. You tend to hear your thoughts inside your mind….in your head….on a very surface level. You will know it’s the still small voice of God because you will hear it originate from deep down within your heart (not your physical heart) or your “gut” (this is your spirit) and you will know it was not your idea at all.

As I tried to process what I had just heard, I was pretty shocked because at that point I had only known this guy for a week or two, but I was also pretty excited because to me that meant that I had found my husband. Spoiler alert. That’s NOT what that meant at all. I’ll explain in a bit. So sure enough when church was over, dude walks me to my car and says he has something to tell me. At this point I’m thinking OMG this is it, he’s really about to say it. So, he proceeds to tell me that God spoke to Him and told him that I am his wife. I should’ve ran for the hills right then and there, but I didn’t. I stuck around for awhile, dated this guy, almost compromised my purity for this guy and was engaged to this guy for all of one day before ending it altogether.

Let me tell you where I went wrong. Even though I heard God tell me through that still small voice that “he was going to tell me I’m his wife”, God never confirmed that I was indeed his wife, He just said that dude was going to tell me that. God is very precise about the words He uses, and He wastes nothing. This was more of a warning from God letting me know what was about to occur, sort of like a heads up rather than a “this is what it is”. Here’s what I learned from that situation. If someone tells you that “God said” you are their wife (or if they tell you anything that God supposedly said for that matter), it should not be new news to you. Instead, it should be a confirmation meaning God should have already placed that on your heart or told you explicitly. That was the case for me when my now husband told me that I was his wife. God had already told me 3 days prior in order to prep me for when John approached me about it. I was prepared for what he was going to say, I had complete and total peace, and it was more like a “oh yeah I already know” rather than a “Whaat? This is news to me.” Get my drift?

Don’t just take my word for it though, let me give you an example from the Bible. In Acts Chapter 10 (read it) when God was about to make known the Good News of the gospel to the Gentiles, he gave Cornelius a vision and an angel advised him to send two men to call for Peter. Around this same time, in a completely different town, he was also giving Peter a vision and then explicitly told Peter that He was sending the men for him. In other words, God was informing and preparing each party for the news that He was trying to convey so that it would be confirmation for the both of them. Remember, up until that time, the Good News was only for the Jewish people. Since this was such a new concept and a big thing to be announced, God knew that He had to have it confirmed in each individual so that there would be no doubting that this is in fact from the Lord.

So was that guy I was dating lying on God? I’m not sure. I tend to believe that he just missed it like we sometimes do. I just know that I will never rely on someone else’s information from God. Instead, I will forever cultivate my own relationship with Him because if I’m in constant fellowship with Him, there’s no reason why God wouldn’t give me a heads up on these things beforehand.

Through dreams

The second time I remember God trying to lead me in a relationship is with a guy who I really thought might be the one. We discussed marriage, he was really into God, he knew his purpose, and it even seemed to line up with mine. Why wouldn’t this be it right? Wrong! After dating this guy for a little, I had a dream. When God is trying to convey a message to me through dreams it’s usually symbolic rather than literal, and it’s usually after He has tried to speak to me in other ways, but I wasn’t listening. That was the case in this relationship. God had already been tugging at my heart to let this relationship go, but I didn’t listen because I didn’t think I could ever find a better fit for me. Bad move on my part. In the dream, I was escorted to the top of a high rise office building where I met with some men in suits at a round table-sort of like a conference room. The men had on shades and everything;it felt like Men in Black to be honest lol. It was sort of a comical scene, but I could tell the dream was very serious and the men meant business. As I sat down, the men stared intently at me with their hands folded on the desk, and then began speaking to me. They said, “You have so much potential, but if you continue with this guy you will mess it all up.” When I woke up, I completely understood what God was trying to convey. I knew that this guy was not the one He had in mind for me, and he wanted me to end it. Unfortunately, I didn’t listen. We continued dating for a little while longer until he broke up with me stating it’s what the Lord was leading him to do leaving me hurt and heartbroken. I could’ve avoided all of that had I just listened to God’s 1st, 2nd and 3rd warning, but I didn’t. Thank God for His grace and His mercy though because He never gave up on me.

Through inner peace

This is one of the most common ways in which God leads us. If we would learn to practice and adhere to the peace of God, then we would save ourselves a whole lot of trouble. What do I mean by inner peace? Well, have you ever been in a situation or in the middle of making a decision, but you didn’t quite feel settled? Maybe you just didn’t have a good feeling in your “gut” about it or “something” was telling you not to do it. Well that means that your peace was disturbed. That was in fact the Holy Spirit attempting to lead you in the middle of the circumstance or decision. If you are born again, then you automatically have the Holy Spirit dwelling in you, and He is a helper. The more we take heed to His leading and guiding, the more He will help, and the easier it will become to recognize Him. I was reading an old journal recently where I was writing about a guy I was talking to at the time. He seemed to have some good things going for himself, he texted or contacted me everyday and he seemed to be a real believer. The thing is though, in the journal I was really questioning if I should continue talking to him because something just did not seem right. He hadn’t really done anything in particular to make me suspicious, I just did not have any PEACE to pursue a relationship with this person.

Sure enough, this situationship did not end well. It turns out, this guy was in a whole relationship, and I only found out because we happened to be at the same exact concert (in a city where I didn’t even live), parked in the same section, and we happened to be leaving out of the parking lot at the same time. Now you tell me that wasn’t God! He obviously wanted me to see that this wasn’t going anywhere. Once again, I should’ve broken it off when God was leading me, this time through my inner peace, but I didn’t and had to learn the hard way. This one didn’t hurt as bad as the last one of course because we were not even in a relationship, but it’s still no fun being lied to by someone you invested time in and saw as a prospective mate.

I am completely convinced that God will lead us and guide us in our relationships if we allow Him to. In fact, He will lead us in every single area of our lives if we invite Him to do just that. The thing about being led by God though is you have to practice hearing from Him. The more time you spend with Him, and the more you cultivate a relationship with Him, the more proficient you will become in this. You can probably pick your best friend’s voice out of a sea of other voices. Why is that? Because you have spent plenty of time with your best friend and you know them on an intimate level. God’s voice will not be familiar to you if you have not learned how to filter it from all of the other voices in the world including your own voice as well as the voice of the enemy. Trust me, these days you NEED to know how to be led by God. It’s not enough to read an article stating “How You Will Know He’s the One” and things of that nature. All of those things are great for reference, but you want to have the specifics for your situation, and God wants to help you with that. I’ve included some scriptures at the end for you to meditate on which will help you with being led by God. Pin it, screenshot it, save it..do whatever you have to do, but make sure you get them in your heart.

Still hidden in Him,

Rita B.

Stop Praying for God to Send You a Husband

stop praying for God to send you a husband pin


If you’re familiar with my blogs then you know I am the biggest advocate of prayer. I believe that prayer is one of the most powerful  resources we have and one of the highest acts of love that we can show to another. I actually don’t think we give prayer enough credit seeing as how we tend to use it as a last resort rather than the first option. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life would not be what it is without prayer whether it’s people praying for me or me praying for myself. I always marvel at the fact that Jesus- the Messiah, the Christ, God Himself would often be recorded in the scriptures as rising early in the morning to separate himself from others and pray. If Jesus had to do it then surely I must be intentional and diligent about doing the same. There is a difference, however, between just plain old praying and effective prayer. Prayer should not be a time for us to just rattle off a list of requests for God to grant as if he is some sort of genie. Instead, it is an opportunity for us to partner with what God wants to do on earth as it is in heaven.

You may be wondering why for years you have been asking God to send you a husband. You may have even asked Him to send you a particular type of husband, or even more specifically, you may have asked him to bring you a particular person who you already know. Now, you may be wondering if God is so good, why He has yet to bring you the desire of your heart. After all God’s Word says in Psalm 37:4 that if we delight ourselves in the Lord then He would give us the desire of our heart. Yes, God will give us the desires of our heart but it is not automatic; that promise, like so many other promises in the Bible is conditional. Pay close attention to the first part of the verse. It says that IF we delight ourselves in the Lord THEN He will give us the desires. The desires do not come before the delight. The reason why delighting ourselves in the Lord is a condition to be met before God grants us the desires is because He knows that when we delight in Him meaning when we spend time with Him (and enjoy it) and fellowship with Him and find our joy in Him-as we do all those things we begin to take on His very nature more and more. You cannot spend time in the presence of God and remain the same. Instead, the more time we spend the more He’s able to rid us of all those things that are not like Him. Unknowingly, we begin having heart changes and thought process changes and eventually, our DESIRES even begin to change. Notice also that this verse says delight yourself in the LORD. The Bible is very intentional with its words. It could have said delight yourself in God or in any other name that we use for God but instead it uses Lord. See many people know God as Savior, but not as Lord. When you acknowledge God as Lord over your life then you give Him authority to rule over every single area of it; nothing is off limits. This is another way His desires for us becomes our desires for ourselves.

I’m very familiar with this process. Before, I was used to a specific type of guy and I had no interest in switching up my preference, but little by little as I became more like Christ, the things I valued most in a man began to change and I found myself being more open to individuals I would have never considered before. Both my eyes and my heart had been opened. Eventually I got rid of the list in my head (and the one I wrote on paper) and told God that I would honestly be happy with any guy He saw fit for me. 3 months later, John and I started dating. What happened? God had finally given me the desire of my heart, but only once the desire of my heart aligned with His desire for me because I had been delighting myself in Him. Sometimes, we can think that we like a certain type of person or we want a certain thing, but when we finally get it we might find that that person or that thing doesn’t work for us at all. But our true heart’s desires are hidden in Christ so we must go through Him to find them. In that moment, during my car ride with the Lord when I surrendered my list to Him, He knew that I truly meant what I said, and He was finally able to give me what my heart longed for all along, but just didn’t know it. I found everything I needed and wanted in John and more; when we got together it felt like home. Those are the types of results you can expect to receive when you delight yourself in the Lord and allow Him to give you the desires of your heart.

So instead of continuing to praying and asking God to send you a husband, I want you to pray a little differently. I want you to pray for yourself and I want you to pray FOR your  future husband (even if you have no idea who that is). Why should you pray this way? Well, remember that prayer is an opportunity to partner with heaven to see God’s will be done here on earth. God will not grant certain desires until He knows you are ready to receive them. Many times we have some preparing, processing and maturing to do before we can enter into different seasons of our lives, and by not praying effectively, we could be hindering and delaying that process because our attitudes and actions are not yet lining up with the promises of God.

If you’re not sure where to start, I highly recommend praying the Ephesians prayer over yourself at least once per day. This can be found in Ephesians 1:17-23 and it’s the prayer that Paul prayed over the believers at Ephesus. I started praying this over myself a few years ago, and believe me it is so powerful. I pray it over every single person who I mentor, coach or counsel and God never ceases to amaze me with the results that come as a result. This is basically  a prayer for spiritual wisdom and it will serve as the foundation of everything in your life spiritually. When I pray for myself I just replace the word “you” with the words “I” “me” or “my” to make it personal. For example, “Father God I pray that you would grant me the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of you, the eyes of my understanding being enlightened that I may know what is the hope of your calling…..”

You can pray this prayer over your future husband as well. I did this a few times when I was single, but only when I was led to as to not begin idolizing the thought of being married. I prayed that God would give him the Spirit of wisdom and revelation. I  prayed that he was growing in the Word and in his relationship with God. I prayed that everything he puts his hands to prospers and several other things as I was led. Do you know that when we got together he would tell me about everything that was going on in his life at the time. I found out that he was growing in his relationship with God more than ever, he was prospering at work more than ever and so on and so on. God was literally answering my prayers before I even knew the WHO, and God could not put us together until some of those things came to pass. God knew I didn’t want a spiritually immature man so He led me to pray for him in that area, giving me the opportunity to partner with Him to cause it to come to pass.. Do you get it?  So you pray how you see fit and how you are led to for your future. It  may be different for you because  only God knows exactly what areas you and your future mate needs to grow in before you can both come together.

It’s called insanity if we continue to do the same things over and over yet expecting different results. So switch up your prayer strategy to avoid being delayed in your destiny. Most of the time, we are not waiting on God at all, He is the one waiting on us.

Still Hidden in Him,